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| Just a feel good picture for me |
"Thank you for giving me the opportunity, but I don't want to." Silence was the response on the other end of the phone. Perhaps, I shouldn't have been so honest. I could have made excuses, dodged around the question and played the usual game of trying to get out of something I had no desire to be part of.
Why is it so hard to say no when it is one of the first words we learn as a child. I had not one child who hesitated to use the word no. It was a natural, honest response given with no guilt attached. It has taken me a long time to realize that I can give myself permission to say no. It was almost painful the first time I honestly expressed my true feelings. I knew all the appropriate responses to give so someone else could have my opportunity: Oh, I'm so sorry, but I have something else scheduled that evening, darn I think I may be out of town and in desperation the best excuse which everyone understood--I have to watch my grandchildren. No one touched that excuse with a ten foot pole.
After, giving lame excuses and feeling guilty for far too long, my circuit breaker flipped back and made connection with the light blub. Somewhere, I found the courage to say no--just no and then deal with the wordless responses that stared me in the face. No one really knows how to take No. If excuses accompany the answer they know what to say and how to sympathize, but no one is prepared for a flat two letter response. Somehow, the air becomes tense and breathing difficult as each party simply sits in heavy silence. I learned after a few uncomfortable encounters, that I had to be the one to bring back normalcy. With a simple --thank you for asking-- the breathing stared again and everything in the world was back on track.
My new found ability to be honest lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders. There are however, situations where no is not the correct answer. Life experience teaches you what is worth your time and what is not. This knowledge begins to develop somewhere between 50 and 55. It takes the brain a number of years to process this knowledge, which allows an individual the time necessary to assimilate the newly acquired information. For me, 65 became the magic age of understanding. I have been a practitioner of NO for two years. I am finding that as time goes on I am feeling very little guilt, if any.
Thankfully my life is now under my control, which it should be at this age. It is a right of passage earned from years of hard work. I am taking time to learn about me: who I am and what I want at this point in my life. Thanks for asking and offering me the opportunity, but NO!
